Why am I not more nervous?

With one week to go before I start my Allograft (that's short for Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant - a transplant of stem cells from a donor), I'm feeling surprisingly relaxed about the whole thing. I thought by now I would be getting very nervous, but maybe I'm just getting better at blocking out the worry of upcoming treatment as I've had a lot of practice over the past four years.

Maybe it's because I've already been through a transplant and know (kind of) what to expect. The big difference with this transplant is that I am using donor stem cells to rebuild my bone marrow, rather than my own. This introduces the risk of Graft Vs Host Disease where my new immune system will attack my body. We want this to happen to a small degree because it means the new immune system is also attacking the Lymphoma, but don't want it to severely attack my organs - this is the balancing act the docs will be performing in the upcoming months until my new immune system beds-in and recognises my (Adonis-like ;-p ) body as friendly.

My donor is a young German male - 27 years old and is fit and healthy. That's all I know about him for now - and that's all I need to know. Once I'm through this and out the other side, in 5 years time, I can meet him - all in good time. Out of 25 million people worldwide that are registered as bone marrow donors, they found 2 perfect matches. Interestingly, both are in Germany - maybe that says a lot about my ancestry and where my forefathers came from. Unfortunately, none of my three siblings were matches - but I'll let my mother explain why that might be :-)

I'm in good shape at the moment. I wasn't too good seven months ago when I relapsed - my spleen was huge, I was anemic and had no energy. But six months of chemo got me back into remission and I'm feeling really well at the moment. I'm back running, eating like a horse and trying to put weight on before I go into hospital. I have passed all my pre-transplant health checks and have reached the point where I am ready to just get on with it now.

Having been through a transplant already, I'd like to think I know how the transplant is going to go, but nobody can predict how I will react. It starts with seven days of chemo to get rid of my bone marrow. Then on Feb 4th I get the stem cells and, after that, it's a waiting game - waiting for the stem cells to build new bone marrow and for the marrow to produce new white and red blood cells. The waiting can be anything from fourteen days to a month. In the meantime, I may suffer from infections, sore mouth, diarrhea, vomiting, no energy, no appetite and so on. Sue doesn't want me to talk about what might happen in case it's a self-fulfilling prophesy. With that in mind, I think what will happen is every night, nurses in short skirts, black stockings and suspenders will sit on my knee, give me a massage and feed me chocolate with the occasional cigar and glass of brandy. This will go on for two weeks after which I can go home as the transplant was a resounding success (and I didn't even notice it as I was, er, otherwise occupied).

Let's see what happens.....